I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
