cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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