New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
