Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you bring me the toilet please
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
