I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
