I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
