We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
