My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
