Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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