Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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