You can't special order awesome
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
