I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
