It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
