Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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