dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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