is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
