i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
