my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
