Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
