Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
