i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
