so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
