My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Congratulations! We have a period
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