yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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