I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
