We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
