this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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