omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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