You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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