woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
