Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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