Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
