When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
