I cannot find my penis.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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