saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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