OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
