Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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