where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
