I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
