he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
