I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
are you so shy because you have an std?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
