someone get that fucking seahorse.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
