About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
