I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
