last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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