I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
