based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
