I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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