I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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