i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
