I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
