he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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