Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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