dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
