I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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