oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
