drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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